Friday, February 7, 2020

Comment Wall!

Lady Bertilak and Gawain (Flickr)


  1. Hey Ryeli,

    I really liked your introduction and I especially liked the amount of personality that you were able to give Gawain. He's the perfect blend of prideful, principled, and a bit pompous, and his rambling style of storytelling is very fitting for the traits you've given him.

    I would encourage you to double down on this as you continue on, and really play up Gawain's versions of these stories, perhaps even illustrating him as an unreliable and biased narrator. Have him insert his opinions on things in tangents that he takes in the middle of telling a story, or maybe even have him justify parts of the story that make him look bad. This will really make your stories pop and give the reader more of an investment into what happened to their narrator.

    Overall, this was very fun to read, and my only real suggestion is to just continue what you're already doing! I look forward to reading more in the future.

  2. HI Ryeli!
    Your introduction to the character was great! I thought it was a fantastic idea to introduce the characters emotion this way instead of just giving the reader background information. It was nice to see the introduction in the characters perspective and see how his personality is. It was so easy to read and left me wanting more! I wonder what kind of massive screw up he did to taint such a glorious reputation. I will certainly be keeping up with your story book! He really has a lot of personality which I like! He managed to seem a little proud and humble at the same time. I also agree with Brett Drake, keep using what you have done in this introduction because it works really well! It will be funny to see what happened in his story and how he tries to justify why he does or what happened went the way it did. Great job!

  3. Howdy, Ryeli!
    Your introduction was so great! This was such a fun read, and I really enjoyed diving into the story. I thought that the length of the story was honestly perfect, I personally thought you could afford to add a bit more to the story, but as a general sense, you have plenty to create an entire story. I agree with everyone else on the comments that you certainly should just keep doing what you are doing, but like I said, there is likely room for a bit more exposition, or even dialogue. Overall, this was a really fantastic read, and I can't wait to read more about your Storybook, because this seems like it is going to be really amazing. I am intrigued about where this Storybook is headed, but I am excited to see the outcome, and to see how it progresses in the weeks to come.
    Best wishes,

  4. Hey Ryeli! I really liked your introduction and it was a great way to introduce the story! When I was reading it I felt like it had the record scratch (Hi! I'm Ryan and my kind of crazy!) I do like the dialog that you put into it and use of the pictures! I cant wait to read it when it is done! Good job!

  5. Hey Ryeli!

    WOW! First of all, your storybook site looks AMAZING. Definitely the best one I've seen so far of the ones for our class. The color scheme and the images and everything is just on point so far, so good work.

    Also, your introduction is equally awesome! I loved how personal it felt, like I really was reading something from Sir Gawain.

    One thing I would suggest is to indent the first paragraph, or don't indent any of them. It just looks awkward with 2/3 indented. I really liked the way you wrote this, but something I thought might be cool would be to change this to a letter from Sir Gawain to someone close to him. It could be the same feel, him lamenting over his mistake and not sure how he can move on from it. It would be harder to do that format and still have him give all the backstory (a knight of King Arthur, etc.), but it's just a thought I had.

    Overall, great work so far.

  6. Hi Ryeli!

    Wow! I thought your introduction was fantastic! I love the picture of the knight on the header! I think this story has great potential and you are definitely setting up something big with an intro like this. Your use of descriptions really helped me to dive in and enjoy myself.

    I wonder why you chose this story in particular? Have King Arthur and his knights always fascinated you? I love to know why people chose a story, as it helps me to understand their perspective and what they would like to achieve through their storytelling.

    What if you gave a little more background on the original story in an author's note? I know you provided a link to the original story. But maybe a short summary in the note would be useful to those of us who do not have time to read the original. Overall, I though this introduction piqued my interest in your future stories - I am excited to see how the face is saved!

  7. Hi Ryeli

    I loved the personality of Gawain! I could definitely see this being a personality of a knight. He is proud, and a little full of himself, but also honorable and dedicated. Your introduction did a good job at establishing important characters and giving us a brief idea of what future stories will be focused on. I think this introduction did a great job at connecting us with the main character, so we feel a sense to come back and see how he is doing.

    Did you think you needed an author's note or maybe a section for background information to help explain to readers unfamiliar with this topic? I know I have little knowledge on this topic and had no idea a knight Gawain even existed, haha. I think a brief bit of background could be helpful to readers like me who may not know all the in's and out's of the legend.

    I think your website looks awesome and I look forward to seeing how this story unfolds and gain some more knowledge in this realm. Great start!

  8. Hi Hannah! I hope your semester is going well. Right away, I thought this was a unique and fun approach to your project! Your dialogue is awesome! It felt so familiar and like an interaction I’d have with my roommate. It was super natural. I also adore that you incorporate the Bachelor! Honestly, if you’re going for the most relatable story award, I think you have it squared away. I’m super excited to read more and see where this is going to take us. I wish that either the Home page or the Introduction page had a bit more information regarding what types of folklore or mythology we may encounter later on. I think it would be really beneficial to give the reader a bit of direction right off the bat to keep them engage and driving forward through the reading. I’m also a little bit nervous that these stories could end up super creepy or scary. That’s SO not my thing, but I know it’s an amazing genre! I’m just a baby when it comes to scary things.
    All in all, awesome work so far! I can’t wait to see more!

  9. Hey Ryeli!

    Great work with your storybook so far! I think that the introduction that you wrote was a great taste of the story to come and it definitely felt like a hook to draw your readers into the coming stories. That being said, your first story was great too! I like the personality and self-effacing nature of Gawain and I like that his character in the introduction revolves around his own ability to admit his mistakes. You set the scene nicely in the first story and I had no trouble picturing the green knight as you described him. I think that the action and story-line are very intriguing. The fact that the green knight simply picked up his own head off the ground has me wondering what sort of being he is. Is he human? A fairy? Maybe a wizard of some kind? I guess I'll have to wait and read on to find out! Your author's note had a good bit of information in it and it has made me curious about the original source material. But 2,530 lines is quite lengthy. In all honesty I probably won't get a chance to read it. I guess I'll just have to rely on your version here! So keep up the great work!

  10. Hey Ryeli!

    You were my free pick this week, and I was really interested by the title. I know there was a number of different ways to use it (Chinese mythology and Arthurian legends included), so I was pretty excited to see that it was a story about Gawain. I always found the story of the Green Knight interesting among the legends, and I can't wait to see how you spin it.

    First of all, I have to tell you how much I love Gawain's voice. My favorite line was, "In a ‘there’s no way that your pride could ever recover from such an egregious mark on your legacy.'" Have you considered carrying the sarcasm through the story? You only used it at that one line, but it worked really well, especially with his over-the-top character. I think it would add an element of humor if you chose to include more of it.

    Great job, and I patiently await your finished product!

  11. Hey Ryeli! This story hooked me from the get go. I almost felt frustrated, in a good way, while reading the introduction because I just want to know how Gawain messed up! After reading the very cleverly named first chapter, Gawain was cemented further as an amazing character in my mind. I felt like he I am actually just following his stream of consciousness as he tells me the story. His casual tone is a great contrast to the courtly setting of the story, and this difference is one of the things that makes the story so fun to read. This is definitely a story that I am going to come back to in the future. The Green knight seems to have Gawain between a rock and a hard place, and I'm just trying to think of ways that he can get himself out of this mess. I can't wait to read more!

  12. Hey Ryeli,

    To start off, great choice of pictures for all of your banner images. Pictures are so important because often times that and the title is what gets the readers attention before they even start reading your stories.

    First sentence of your introduction was such a great way to pull the reader in and get them invested in the storybook. Throughout the rest of the introduction, you also built up so much suspense! After reading the introduction I was dying to get into the first story to find out what happened.

    The story was great! I enjoyed reading the back and forth dialogue between the green knight and Sir Gawain. It is cool how the knight just picked his head up after it had been cut off and did not really give a big reaction. In a way he just acted like nothing happened and went about his day.

    Great job and I look forward to reading more of your stories!

  13. Hi Ryeli! I love love love your storybook so far. I really enjoy the way it is written, it is the perfect mix between the formal speech of a knight and a modern twist. It also fits perfectly with Gawaine's character. Have you seen the BBC Merlin show? If you haven't then you should definitely watch it, I think you would really enjoy how they portrayed Gawaine.

    For this week we are supposed to focus on design, and I must say I have no critiques whatsoever. I think the design of your website is seamless and classy. I love that you chose a subtle green as your main color, it fits the story perfectly without feeling overbearing.

    Overall, I thank you are doing a great job so far. Congrats!

  14. Hi Ryeli, I'm back! Your project was assigned to me again through the randomizer and honestly I am not complaining, I love the story! This time I am supposed to focus on images. I really like that in the home page you included a picture of Sir Gawaine aside from the cover image, I think it helps in setting the project as being from Gawaine's point of view. I also think that the picture you chose for the Green Knight is perfect. All of your images are appropriate to the story and have their sources, so I have no critiques. Hope to read the following stories soon!

  15. Hi Ryeli!
    I am loving your project! You packed so much of Gawain's personality just into the Introduction, I felt like I already knew exactly what type of person he was, entitled, kind of snobbish, thinks he's self-deprecating but really isn't, etc. I had never read any of King Arthur's legends, and especially not anything about Sir Gawain, so it was really nice to be able to learn a little bit more about him through such an entertaining story. The dialogue was really well-paced with the back-and-forth banter between Gawain and the Green Knight. Overall, I don't really have any suggestions. Just keep up the great work!

  16. Hi Ryeli!

    I love your stories! This week the focus is supposed to be on Author's Notes so most of my feedback will be about that. Your note for the story "Don't Lose Your Head" was great! Also, "Don't Lose Your Head" is a fantastic title that cannot be underplayed. I appreciate the background you give on the original source, and especially appreciate the link to Wikipedia. Middle English is so strange, it's almost foreign but at the same time it is familiar. I appreciate your willingness to stay as truthful to the original as possible, while still giving it your own creative spin!

    The author's note for the story, "I Say a Little Prayer", was also fantastic. I really enjoyed how you gave a run-down about the difficulties you faced while trying to write the story. This gives us a unique perspective and shows how much time you put into writing it. Great stories! I can't wait to read more! Keep up the good work!

  17. Hi Ryeli! I’ve read some of your work before, but at that point you only had the introduction and your first part done, I was so excited to see that you’ve expanded. This week the challenge for me was Author’s Notes, so that’s what I’ve focused on for you specifically for your last two parts, “I Say a Little Prayer,” and, “One Kiss.” For, “I Say a Little Prayer,” I absolutely LOVE that you opened up to your reader right off the bat with, “Wow, this took me forever to write.” I’ve never thought to include whether something was easy, hard, boring, or entertaining to write but I think that was an awesome touch! I think you did a great job with explaining the liberties you took, too! In, “One Kiss,” your Author’s Note was great, again! It gave the perfect amount of information helping the reader understand that you had limitations on Word Count and I like that you explained where you could and couldn’t keep ancillary details.
    Awesome job! I hope your semester is going well!

  18. Hi Ryeli,

    The first time that I came to your storybook, you only had the first story done and I loved it. I see that you have now added your other two stories and just like the first one they were great! I enjoyed reading your stories and diving into them as if I was one of the characters and there to experience the story. My focused feedback for this week is about the use of paragraphs in your stories. Honestly, I really don't have much to say. You did a great job of utilizing paragraphs to make it easier for the readers to read and see where things in the story change. Even with your author's notes, you split them into paragraphs when it was needed.

    Overall great job! As this semester is coming to an end, I hope you enjoyed this class as much as I did. paragraphs when it was needed.

  19. Hi Ryeli,
    I like how you make the stories flow together. The details within the stories are incredible. You do a great job with all small things within your story and creating plot lines. I like the first person point of view in your stories. You really capture everything the story needed to survive on their own. What you do is amazing here and I hope you continue to write these past this semester. I wish you the best in your endeavors.


Reading Notes: Household Stories of the Brother's Grimm B

Source: The Three Spinsters  from  Household Stories of the Brother's Grimm  translated by Lucy Crane and illustrated by Walter Crane ...